She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
