At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
