Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
