All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
