dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
