Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize