my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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