just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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