She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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