i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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