And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You need a sexual gate keeper
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
