this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
