Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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