Just fell off a train. Bad.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My dick has a subreddit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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