My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
