oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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