Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
