Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
