I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
