p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
