final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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