ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
