This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
