They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
