Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
