my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
