weddingsv make me drug and hornr
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
