he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
