Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
