we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The air taste purple.
Randomize
