She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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