Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
