I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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