Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize