it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
