it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
