Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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