I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
