Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
