I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize