i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
