Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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