Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
