Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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