is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Randomize
