I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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