bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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