Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
