guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
