i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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