he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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