I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize