i think my mom watched the whole time
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
