you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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