I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
