My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
