it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
