I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize