WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
