Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
