This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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