Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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