Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I look better un-naked...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
