I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
