The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize