I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
