just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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