Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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