it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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