Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
