I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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