Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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