i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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