So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina is officially offended.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
