i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
