I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The air taste purple.
Randomize
