guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
