I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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