put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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