Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
