i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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