When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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