My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
