If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize