If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i out mim tonsoeep
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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