The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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