I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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