Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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