Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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