please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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