i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
